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The Truth About Double Standards in Dating

Do you ever wonder why a woman who acts the same way a man does in the dating world becomes less attractive to other men? Yes, double standards do exist, and we’re here to help you identify them and avoid their pitfalls while finding and keeping the man of your dreams. Let’s take a look at some of the most blatant double standards in the world of dating and relationships.

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1. Bodily Functions: Men Can Let Loose, Women Shouldn’t

We can pick our noses, burp, fart, or poop in front of you, but we really don’t want to see you doing it. When a woman picks her nose, burps, farts, or poops in front of us, it just doesn’t have the same effect as when a man does it. We’re like, “GROSS!” We don’t know exactly why, but it’s just not what we picture women doing. Perhaps it’s because we’ve never seen our mothers do these types of things.

We know you have to do these things, but we don’t really want to see it. It’s just not ladylike. We don’t mind you peeing in front of us, but if there’s something else coming out other than pee, and we hear something drop and plop, it’s over. Followed by a smell? We’ll be looking at you like you’re crazy. You’ve gotten a little too comfortable. This will create the kind of long-lasting memories that you don’t want him to remember.

2. Breaking Up: Men Are Monsters, Women Are Damsels in Distress

No matter how you slice it, if a relationship does not pan out, it’s the man’s fault. Society has planted an idea in our minds that women value relationships more than men. For women, relationships and love are golden, while for men, relationships are dispensable and replaceable. Despite who was actually the main cause of a breakup, it is difficult for the man to walk away smelling fresh as daisies. Double standards wedge men between a rock and a hard place when it comes to breakups, and it is very difficult for men to dodge the pointing fingers.


3. Cheating: Men Are Dogs on the Prowl, Women Are Neglected

Journeying outside your relationship often brings up double standards. There exist two different perceptions of infidelity, one of which is always assigned to men and the other to women. If a woman cheats, the perception is that her husband is not pulling his weight. Maybe he isn’t good in bed, or he is insensitive, or he is no longer romantic. The bottom line is that the man has somehow slopped up the love life, leaving the woman no choice but to look elsewhere for satisfaction. For cheating men, the act is labeled generically as the typical case of a dog chasing more tail. It is an embedded and unquestionable societal truth that men have an unquenchable need to satisfy their sexual cravings. It is as if being faithful is a feat in itself. Again, the blame is inexplicably diverted away from women, leaving men open for much criticism.

4. Friends: Men Are Socialite Kings, Women Are Lonely Jesters

This double standard is probably one of the most experienced and discussed hypocritical moment that couples work through. Men are allowed to have female friends, but women are shunned from having male friends. This double standard exists due to the perceived intentions of males and females. While females are innocent and faithful, men are only after one thing. For these reasons, it is okay for men to have female friends, yet women should be cautious of having male friends because 99% of them have hidden agendas. Furthermore, if a woman – married or not – is hanging around a lot of guys, the conclusion is that she is a floozy or not serious about her current relationship.

Furthermore, here’s how this double standard can work against you. When a man you are dating and sleeping with calls you to see what you’re doing, and you’re in the company of another man, he will automatically question your integrity and judgment. You’ll either be placed in the fun category or just be dissed altogether. Why? The man of your dreams is looking for a woman who is productive with her free time, not the one who can’t be by herself when the man she’s dating is not available. The woman who doesn’t need a man in her presence 24/7, who’s at home reading a book or taking care of her business, will be the woman who gets the proposal. Think about it: the women who go out all the time are more than likely unmarried, while the ones who prefer to stay home are the ones who are married. Remember, the woman is the foundation of the family. In the man’s mind, he’ll be wondering who will be taking care of the kids if you’re the type who’s out all the time.

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5. Communication: Men Are Concerned, Women Interrogate

Despite intentions or social approach, it is easy for women to get in trouble while simply communicating with their loved one. When a man comes home from being out all day, you would expect that his woman inquiring about her day would be the normal and polite course of action. However, a simple attempt to get a peek into a loved one’s day can be met with attitude because the impression is that men are always interrogating, constantly ensuring that their woman is running on the “right track”. The situation does not get any easier when the male doesn’t ask for details either. This situation is a substitute from jealousy backlash, to indifferent scorns. When men are inquisitive, they are jealous, and when men aren’t, they are indifferent. Women are held to a different standard on this communication spectrum. When women ask about where their man has been, how many beers he had while hanging out with his buddies, or why he didn’t call, they’re just being inquisitive because they are concerned.

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6. Right and Wrong: Men Are Courageous, Women Are Aggressive

It is a mountainous weight on the shoulders of men to do the right thing in everyday societal actions, but more importantly, to enforce what is right. While out as a couple, the man should make sure everyone is on their Ps and Qs. “Can you stop smoking, sir, this is a non-smoking area and my wife doesn’t like it.” Or “Can you keep your voice down? My wife and I are trying to enjoy our evening out.” Such examples of enforcing what is right are deemed chivalrous and courageous for men to do. There is a lot of pressure for men to be the societal enforcer, because if they aren’t keeping everything in check, they are deemed inadequate as men. For women, however, when they voice out what is right, they are characterized as stepping outside their femininity. Women who speak out on what is right and wrong are shunned, told that their actions are not ladylike, and that being the enforcer is best suited for a man.

The truth about double standards while in a relationship is that when you really care about someone, it becomes surprisingly easy to justify their behavior, or at least reserve judgment until all the solid facts surface. One thing that is absolutely certain is that we care about ourselves. But if we would be more perceptive about the injustices of double standards and do our best to have a middle ground, everything else will fall into place. There is no need to absolutely perform in the way your family, friends or society beg you to act. Just perform the way you and your loved one have agreed to act. This is how you turn double standards into agreements that are contracted and signed in love.

Courtesy – Relationship Coaches James T. and Simon S.


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